The common thing which parents of teenagers can connect to – how to deal with teenagers, parenting a child was far more easy than the phase of parenting a teenager. It is a milestone when your teenager says ‘I Love You’ with a big smile. When your teen is happy, you are on top of the world.
Teenage is the time when slowly you have to step back and let your children take charge of their lives. More often, parents get to hear a common phrase ‘It’s my life, I can manage on my own. You don’t need to interfere’. Despite this attitude, they struggle daily. It is important to understand the adolescence and the brain behind it and how to deal with teenagers.
Try these 7 Rules – how to deal with teenagers
1. Connect with your Teenager
Teens go through difficult times every day such as puberty, bullying, projects, submissions, exams, obsessiveness about their bodies, competitiveness and much more. During this phase, they detach themselves from us. This is the time we need to focus more on their problems to reconnect again with them. If your teenager is fighting with you over small issues regularly, choose what is the most important thing you need to focus on? Look into the situation and maintain balance. Decide and write down the three most important things you need to focus on how to deal with teenagers.
2. Do Not Fight on Every Thing, Focus on what is Important
There are several issues you could have a fight over if they don’t clean their messy room if they don’t sleep or wake up on time if they don’t work on time. All these things make us upset. But take a pause and think again how to deal with teenagers. Research has proved that parents of a teen should not try to improve all the things together. If there is a major problem such as drugs or any other addiction, you need to focus on that first. Rest of the things are secondary. Deal with the situation, why is he getting into this and how you can take him out of it.
Teenagers usually fight when they know that their parents would not agree with their decisions. When they choose a career which we as parents think, would not give them more money or they’ll be homeless in the future due to this. Relax and look back to your teenage years. When you wanted a school of your choice and your parents did not let you choose. Discuss with your children the pros and cons of everything and let them decide. It is your duty to show them the guiding light, they have to walk alone. Parents will not stay forever with children. This is the best way of how to deal with teenagers.
If you will allow them to choose a career what they love, they will try their best to achieve it. They will never think they are working. Never compare your children with others. Of course, all the parents dream of a renowned university and a renowned career but do not push them.
Even if they will get admission on your push, they will not love it. They might not be able to work hard to pass this journey. Help them choose what they love to do and encourage them to work hard for the same. Help them to get the best out of it. Teach them to be a good and honest human being above all. Rest of the things will follow.
Pick your value and fight for the thing which is spoiling your children. Rest, let it go, they will learn on their own.
3. Let Your Teenager Do Crazy Things
Most of the teenagers do crazy things which drive us crazy too. There is a generation gap between us and our children. We have not been grown up in such circumstances, so it is difficult to accept and we end up in fighting over small issues. There is no manual or no such thumb rule to tackle this situation. We need to follow new ways of how to deal with teenagers.
Have patience and discuss with them openly. Tell them, if it is truly important for them to do. If it really defines them what they are. If they think it is important, be careful how you approach it. More you will fight over it, more they will fight back. Fighting is not a solution, try a different approach.
4. Respect Your Teenager
Treat your teenager with respect, learn how to let it go. Do not disrespect your teenager and do not remind them every time that they are irresponsible. They will learn gradually as we have learned from our mistakes. Give them a chance to be more responsible. I believe they will become responsible if we will respect them. We are so busy telling them, what they are doing wrong. That’s why they often oppose us.
Let them take responsibility for their actions and make them feel empowered. Teach them how to self-reflect and self-evaluate. Discuss why they have done so and what they think will be the consequence.
We all know how ‘lack of communication’ creates most of the problems. It is very important to communicate to build any relation. Talking and speaking up is the key to a good relationship. We hardly get any time to talk to our teenager. Sometimes they are busy and sometimes parents are busy. But in the case of teenagers, talk can end up in a fight. We start giving them lectures and that is the reason they don’t want to share anything with us. This is not the right way of how to deal with teenagers.
How to deal with teenagers – the basics of communicating with your teen:
- Listen to them mindfully.
- Do not say ‘let’s talk’ instead say ‘you talk, I’ll listen’.
- Listen without judging.
- Spend time together and know their world.
- Be casual, do not frighten them by saying ‘I need to discuss something important’.
- Often invite them to have coffee or an ice-cream with them.
- Try to change your channels of communication, instead of talking try to write a message for your teen.
6. Give Your Teenager Unconditional Love
Based on the research, love can basically improve our heart, brain, and body. It will not only have a positive effect on your child’s heart, brain, and body but also you as well.
Teenagers usually say ‘I hate you’. They express hate towards you, let it go. It is not about what they feel about you but the circumstances or problems which they are passing through. We as parents need to express unconditional love when things are good or bad. It is not about approving everything even if they are doing something wrong. It doesn’t mean they’ll party all night or lead a reckless life. By the time they are thirteen, give them some responsibilities and let them explore.
We love them unconditionally regardless of what they do, regardless of their grades or their test results. Let them know you are there to help them and support them in all the circumstances. Once we do this, chances are they’ll be free to share things with us regardless of what happens.
7. Do not Suppress Emotions
At times children get angry, they go crazy, get upset or mad over something. What we often do is suppress their feelings. We do something to suppress their madness, anger or sadness. This is wrong.
The Science of Happiness has proved that we as parents and our children need to experience all the emotions. All emotions are valid and good. If they are sad or angry all the time, we need to look into the matter and consider it seriously. But if sometimes they get angry, let them be and let them express their feelings.
Try not to suppress their emotions, it will make them angrier. Let them go through all this and understand, it is natural and part of human life. If they fight with a friend, let them fight. Help them to reconnect later.
If there is no anger, there will be no change in the world. As long as your children are healthy and sometimes get upset, let them be. Gradually they’ll come back to the natural and happy state.
Have more rules to add for how to deal with teenagers that worked for you and your teenager? Please share your tips on how to deal with teenagers with us in the comments section below.
Wish you a very Happy Parenting Teenager!